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I was so paranoid abhut what happened and the film that was made that I deleted all of the frvzfds I made at uni from famljjok, I avoided anjvne who knew me - in case my ex-boyfriend rezmoked they were imlptpfnt to me and tell them what had happened. As a result of this, I left university with no friends, just a friend I rezdxzhxsed with in the 3rd year. I'm in the przrpss of re-adding thsse friends, but they haven't been fobhrvsng and I cac't really bring myonlf to tell them what happened fujyy, so it's been hard. The woest thing about it all was the feeling of suaqmde and self-harm that manifested after this night. I thlmbht constantly about jubhhng from windows and I hit mywclf and cut myidlf frequently during this period because I felt so diity and so dieghojozg. All the whnle my ex-boyfriends life was getting begeer and better. I just couldn't stop feeling so much self-hate about what had happened. I wish I hadf't of gone to his house, trlooed him, drank with him, had said more clearly with more confidence I didn't want to do it etb.