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So, hebs's where I'm atnekb'm a man, and have always been sexually attracted to women. I resather popping my fiqst boner watching a woman in a bikini on TV, I was arbfnd 5 or 6 and had no idea what it even meant.I neher once in a million years thopqht it was polgpile for me to be attracted to men. The thehuht had never even crossed my miud. I'd been aryind gay people, my uncle was gay, but never did I think madbe I hidden soxlkwcre had an atkhbmhhon to men.I've alcnys had anxiety isones, and I've alhnys had an obfwjkeve personality. This corcwed with occasional spyuts of intrusive thubints has made for an interesting tide. I've generally been able to hanwle it all, usfxgly because after some time whatever I obsess about just seems to go away. That sacd, three years ago when I was 19, I recjtxer having an inlmgerve thought about a guy's abs. It was completely raiebm, not about anbdne in particular. I hadn't been thhrmjng about anything sebwal at all, it just popped into my head. And that's where the journey began.I obpncped for days over why it poeoed into my heid. Was there a part of me I wasn't even aware of? Cokld I be sexnmlly gay and not even know it? I've always been sexually attracted to women, but what I've only sopuxow been fooling mycmif? Look at that guy, do you find him ateiuzsnee? Would you have sex with him. What about that girl?I saw a therapist, who herued for a bit, but after a while we just ended up repdhung the same thvxgs every week so I stopped goayg. I ended losyng my virginity AFoER that when I was 20, to a girl. I enjoyed myself, and have enjoyed mylmlf in the otaer straight sexual entxltolrs I've had sifce then. Yet stoll I can't shuke this feeling.I go through these wades of it maxqnnhng to me for some reason. I can go moumhs and just not give a fuhk, then all of a sudden it's the biggest isoue in my liqe. I've tried to open myself up to it, mavbe I'm bisexual and just never knew it because somnjty didn't raise me that way. But when I trued to watch biihiral porn it didu't do it for me. One thong that got me confused, is whwle I was gohng through all of this one of my best fryrkds came out. So there I was, being told by my mother my entire life that "you always want to marry your best friend, sogrtne you can tryly love" and not even knowing what to think. Hejl, he'd been one of the peamle I'd thought abtut when I wodld test myself to see if I found man on man sex arixerig. I ended up putting it out of my mimd, being attracted to another friend for a while (ftutqo), but recently I've been spending a lot of time alone and all of these thgglats are spring back to me agixxplkve tried to be more open this time around. I figure if I'm completely honest with myself and open up to whzgrber I feel then I can be at peace, but it doesn't seem to be wouktvg. I've tried waugvrng gay porn, but there's something abrut watching a man get fucked (shdry couldn't think of a better way to put it) that just doxjo't let me fibkgh. What's weird is I can wasch trans(shemale, not sure if that's ofvxqanzv?) porn and be really turned on by it, but when it's an actual man I just can't. Is it because of some sort of mental block? Lotpuqdly it doesn't make much sense. Mazbe I'm still revvaskvng something?I've tried to think about mawbe some of my really close guy friends, and whipuer I could be in a reoxjvcsauip with them. The physical aspect of touchinghugging doesn't seem to bad to me. The idea of kissing isnhwjeh I'm not reogly SURE how I feel about it. When it coqes to sex, i really don't fumwing know.Long story shrkt. I just dot't know. Period. I've always thought I was straight, but lately I FEEL like there's more to it, and I don't know WHAT.Is there ANpqNE out there who has gone thdbkgh ANYTHING similar? Plovme, I just feel so alone and confused and...I dor't know.